I Shall Overcome

Early this morning I had the opportunity to watch “Oprah’s Master Class,” to put into words what that program did for me will be difficult, but I will try. It all began earlier this week. On Tuesday I was in an intimate Bible Study with my pastor and my mother, at the end of the study my mother proceeded to tell me how had I done the “right” things in life I would have been in a position to replace Oprah. The statement caught me off guard a bit, as we were not on the subject or even near it. My pastor then told me that she looked at my heart and there was huge deep scar on it, and she perceived that it was a wound from my childhood. I knew what my pastor was talking about, because for sometime now I have been attempting to get over some hurdles in my mind, but it seems when I get to a particular point my brain just freezes and I feel this block, and I explained that to them. Instantly, my mother assumed that the issue came from some interaction I had with one of her sisters. I could not confirm or deny, as I truly could not remember any one incident that would cause that kind on mental reaction.

However, all day Wednesday I pondered, talked to God, and searched my body for shifts in my feelings indicating emotional triggers. And what does the good book say, “Seek and ye shall find.” And what I found filled me with shame as the feelings of intense hurt surfaced, but like always it never seems like the time or place to deal with my issues. Plus my uncle was coming from Trinidad, and we were going on a family trip to VA Beach to see my brother who is serving in the military. During the night I was awake struggling with how to correctly deal with what I was feeling. I turned on the tele and happened across “Oprah’s Master Class.” I watched the show riveted as her words ministered to my very soul. I watched the show and felt like I could overcome, I am a child of abuse.

My sisters and I have had the talk with my mother about the abuse, but she dismisses it as figments of our imagination, and then offers an insincere apology. I was touched by Oprah because she said she had not really let all of it go until her forties, but I don’t want to go into my forties still carrying the weight of this abuse in my head, heart and body. I am gifted and blessed beyond measure, but I will not get anywhere until I overcome.

Stay Blessed!

kam