Monday, May 18, 2009
Decisions Decisions Decisions Current mood: contemplative Category: Life
I reluctantly came back from Trinidad on Saturday. While on the island I had an enormous amount of time to think and evaluate and re-evaluate my life and the decisions I have made, the dreams I've sacrificed, and the hopes I still have. I realized that I am a person with no home. I have lived more that half my life in America, but I am not American. I am Trinidadian but had not been home in 11 years prior to my recent visit. The life I have been carving for myself in America has always felt lacking in some way. I love the elements of my life i.e. my job, my family, my friends, etc., but together they don't create a complete picture of what I want for my life. It is good to return to your roots to remember who you were, are and can be. I have been feeling like I had to make choices; Do I want to be happy or successful? Do I want to be disloyal to others or true to myself? There is always an either/or or a me/others choice. And I always choose others over myself not thinking clearly that if I sacrifice myself for the cause then there is no "me" to give, just a body. Perhaps I should be more afraid of disappointing myself than disappointing others.
KAM
No comments:
Post a Comment